Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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