Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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