I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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