I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
