They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
