OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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