Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
