Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
