I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
