You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
