When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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