Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
