We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
they're like a gay fantastic four
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
