And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
