I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
