T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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