some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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