When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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