Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
