the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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