i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
