I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
