I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize