You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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