You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
