Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
