I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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