When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
