i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
