literally had 100 drinks last night.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize