Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I touched a dick in church today
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
