I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
