I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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