You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize