yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
