You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
