I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
