god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
