I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
