I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can text with my tongue
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
