he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
