I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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