Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
