there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
