It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize