the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You don't make any sense
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I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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