Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
