Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
