You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
