The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
