Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
