Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
