can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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