didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You can't motorboat a personality
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
