Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
