and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
