yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
