come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
