the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i love accidental penises.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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