Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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