i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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