she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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