Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
