Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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