I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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