You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
