Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
