her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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