This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
