i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
