I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
false alarm. still invincible.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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