Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
