I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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