there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize