***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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