I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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